Woot!!

Digital confirmation....nothing like seeing that word pop up!!!

FRER's from yesterday and today to compare. Getting darker!!!! And I bought another couple for the next couple of days....LOL

9DPO/Day of scheduled massage

Ok, this is a late entry, but hey: better late than never, right?

So, here's the play by play. I wake up at 3am and PIAC and go back to bed. I hear Vince get up at 5:17 to get ready for work. I ignore him and roll over because I can't pee again yet. I sleep and dream and dream and sleep until 9:30 when I fight with myself to get up because I really don't feel like. I don't need to get up and take a shower until like 11. I get up and realize I feel kinda crappy like I'm getting sick. Ugh. I should have stayed in bed. So, once again I PIAC for good measure since I don't have actual FMU. So, now I have 2 cups full of pee and two HPTs. So, I dip the early-preg-test.com one in one of the cups and use the dropper thingy for the $tree test. I don't pay much attention to which I dip in where because I know it's not going to be positive. I feel like I have in previous months...well, maybe a tad different, but still nothing really screams YOU'RE PG at me...so I got about my business of emptying out the cups and getting rid of them. I get my phone and look at a few things...and then I glance at the tests. I don't believe my eyes...is that a line? I look at it by the window using sunlight...I put my glasses on...I look again in the bathroom under the light...I put my contacts in...I start to panic. SERIOUSLY? 9DPO? OMG OMG OMG. So, I call Vince freaking out and tell him I think I see a line, what should I do? He suggests I take the test to my moms and see if she can see it since I said she would be the only one I would tell this time around until the u/s. All of this because I decided I wouldn't go for the massage if it was positive...I had my reasons. I text a few of my BFPBs that I know are already awake for work yelling in my message...lol.

So, I hurry up and get dressed...I didn't even brush my teeth! I call my mom and give her fair warning that I need her to look at something and I'm on my way. So, I run in and ask where everyone is since I don't want anyone else to know. Pop was in the kitchen and Gram and Daddy were still upstairs. So, I show her. She sees something, but am I sure that means something? YES I'M SURE!!! haha. So, I continue to freak out. I call my friend and tell her no massages...she says its ok cause she's broke anyway. We went to lunch instead with my mom, niece and nephew. Always a good time.

When I got home, the $tree test dried very nicely and I could get a pic of the test so I sent it to my BFPBs who confirmed there was a line!! Woot!

So, fast forward to this morning, 10DPO and I wake up as soon as the sun is shining in at 6:30! I decide to use an FRER, a $tree test and an early-preg-tests.com test. The FRER is much darker than the others. The $tree test is pretty easy to see...but the early-preg-test is still extremely faint. I thought they were supposed to all be the same sensitivity, but maybe not.

My symptoms for anyone who's interested: my boobs are not really what I would say is sore...they kinda feel like they feel when I'm really cold. Firm and like my nipples are hard, but they aren't. Pretty strange. They also hurt when I woke up the other day after laying on them all night. I was waking up in the middle of the night to pee for a couple nights...maybe starting at 7DPO, but I didn't think anything of it. I have tiny little cramps, but I usually get that every cycle.

Things we did differently this cycle: we didn't have a sex marathon. I didn't temp, therefore decreasing stress and helping me sleep better. I didn't do everything based on IF I was PG like in previous cycles...I just lived my life. I did some different religious things, including attending a Novena at Saint Rita's who is known to help impossible or difficult situations. I think that's about it. I'm so tired right now I'm not even sure any of this makes sense.

Hopefully I'll have a digital pic to post tomorrow!!!

Here's the pics:

9DPO

10DPO $tree

FRER 10DPO

Testing...

So, I'll be testing early this cycle. 9DPO to be exact. I have a massage scheduled for Friday which will be 9DPO...so I will test when I wake up and if the test is negative (which I'm guessing it will be) I'll be off to get my massage. If it's positive, I'll be calling to tell Clea I can't go. So, we'll see what happens. I'm hoping this decision is the right one. So far I'm not having any strong phantom symptoms. Just the same old symptoms I get every cycle, so I'm trying not to get my hopes up. I'm trying to prep myself for the BFN so I don't get so down. I have to stop getting so down each month. Not temping was the best thing for me this cycle. I've been sleeping MUCH better, so I think I'll take next month off, too. And, so that's that.

Memorial day was a lot of fun. We got the kids a pirate ship pool for the backyard and they had SO much fun. Amanda thought being in water outside had to be the coolest thing EVER. And Giovanni is such a boy...rough and tough! Here's some pics:

so much for the plan...

Whatever happened with my last cycle, my ovary decided to stay true to the 19 day O rule, which made me O early this cycle. Does that make sense? I O'd late last cycle, but this cycle I O'd as if I O'd on time last cycle...sorry if I'm not making sense. Sometimes that happens...haha. But that screwed up my "plan" because until I started getting O pains and fertile CM I didn't think it would happen that way. So, we screwed up the same exact sex pattern as the BFP cycle. Figures.

Everyone has a kid...or one on the way...

We had a friend's daughters 1st bday party today and since I got called off work, I could go. Well, hindsight would tell you that I would have been better off going to work. Vince's friend and his wife that we're good friends with meet us at our house and follow us there. I knew it was going to be hard. We found out that we were pregnant at the same time, but of course she's still pg and I'm not. It was rather difficult to see her although I'm very happy for them. So, then we get to the party and there's a bunch of kids running around. All of Vince's co-workers have kids, except for the ones that are PG. I was surrounded by kids...and of course all the women kept asking J how she felt...and all that. When one of them asked her what her biggest PG complaint so far was I had to get up and walk away. I was so upset the whole time I couldn't even eat. There was tons of food and I ate nothing but a few pretzels that were on the table and a small piece of cake. Which, if you know me, I don't pass up food. I had to keep from crying quite a few times. I didn't sleep good last night and I'm still spotting which probably has my emotions a little wacky. Ugh. Vince has been super nice since we left so I'm sure he knows I'm dying inside, but I won't say anything. I'm trying, what can I say?

Some stuff...

First of all a few days ago Mammy and I were out doing some stuff. She noticed my mood is different and is picking up on the fact that I'm kinda upset and down about not being pregnant. Thanks to my m/c EVERYONE knows we're TTC and I think anyone that willingly tells their families are NUTS. So, she offers me this advice: Lose weight. She says the 10 pounds I put on since my wedding and then the other 10 since the m/c could be keeping me from getting pg. She knows some women that just lost a few pounds and got pg. Now, she says she's not saying I'm fat...just that a few pounds could help me conceive. Thanks Mom.

Anyway, I've been chugging along waiting to O which seems to take FOREVER these days. So, I'm trying to keep to "the plan" so we had sex today. Well, that's when I discovered I'm bleeding. Great. Just great. It's more than spotting...and bright red. I'm guessing it was a cyst, but I don't know. The weird thing is, since I started charting, I've spotting almost every cycle around the same day, CD 12, 13 or 14. What do you make of that? I'm going to call my GYN on Monday and see if there's something we should look into. I don't know if it's good or bad...but I did spot the cycle I got KU...but then obviously I m/c'd so I'm not sure what to make of that.

We went to a family party today for my little cousin's bdays and my Aunt kissed me hello and then told me my face "looks different" so I told her I'm not PG, just a little fatter. She said, no you're not fatter...it's something else. Well, I don't know.

What's my temp?

I don't know. And I won't know. Hopefully for a long, long time. I stopped temping....I decided after finally sleeping thru the night for a few nights while AF was here that I need a break. Even Vince asked me to stop this cycle knowing I haven't been sleeping well and it kinda stresses me out. Now, I know that not temping towards the end of my cycle is going to have me stressing out, too...but hopefully I'll be ok.

So, the official plan for this cycle is as follows:

1. NO temping.
2. Keep track of CM
3. Start OPKs and Mucinex on CD16
4. Start sexing it up on CD16
5. Pray

So, that's it. We'll see what happens...hopefully my stress level won't be too high this cycle. Last cycle it was way too high and I was a mess. I definitely can't keep doing that month after a month. So, I wasn't a mother for mother's day, but I pray to God I can make Vince a Daddy for Father's day.