In a mood...

Well it seems like AF is on her way out. I honestly feel really good about this visit from AF...it was very...hmmm what's the word? Cleansing? I haven't had a good visit from AF since before my BFP, D&E and all that...so this, in my eyes, is a good thing. I don't think my ute was in any shape to carry a baby without this, so believe it or not I'm happy about it. Although, my mood wouldn't tell you that lately. I don't know if it's just the post-Disney blues or what, but I've been kinda cranky and down lately. I kinda just feel sad but I'm not really sure why. It might be my weight, too. I've gained so much weight and I'm just disgusted with myself at this point. And I've been worrying a lot about being a mom...I'm kinda scared to death I won't be good at it. I have tons of fears that I won't put a good enough effort into it...or that I won't be able to handle everything that comes with it down the road...like silly things...like homework and projects and stuff like that. They kind of seem irrational to me, but I can't help but worry myself. A few people have reassured me that it's normal to think like that, but I'm a little freaked out anyway.

I'm going to start the count down for Disney again soon. We'll be making a return visit in September. We've invited Mammy and Daddy to stay with us so I'm super excited! I'm pretty sure Mammy is definitely coming, but Daddy isn't so sure yet. So, we'll see. But either way, it's something to look forward to. Hopefully I won't be riding the roller coasters though!

So, I haven't talked to my so called BFF since my bday...which may not even count since it was just an email. I haven't really had the desire to talk to her since she always has better things to do then maintain our relationship...and the fact that she asked me if I was crazy when I told her I was PG. She wasn't really supportive during the m/c-D&E either...I know she probably wasn't sure what to do...but I think she could have figured something out. This may be another thing that has me down. I think I might email her. I don't know...we'll see.

So anyway, I already looked ahead to see when I would be O'ing this month. I hope since I'm working in the days leading up to it that I'm not too tired to get it done! LOL. Working 12 hour shifts back to back for 3 days straight is a little tiring especially if we're having sex every night...but I think we can do it!

So that's it for me right now! Thanks for reading!

Such a Fool

So, I pretty much feel like a jackass. I'm such a fool for thinking I was actually PG with the stupidest phantom symptoms EVER. But, good thing I got to hide out in Disney for a little while. AF came right on time on Sunday evening after a BFN in the morning. I was hestitate to go on any of the "good" rides until I knew for sure. But today I got to go on Rock 'N Roll roller coaster, which just happens to be my favorite! Yay! I will say I wasn't excited to have AF in Disney where it was so freaking hot and tampons don't work for me so I had to wear a pad...but oh well. It wasn't too bad. Although I have freaking cramps for the first time in a long time and AF is actually heavy, which is definitely not what I'm used to. But, I think it's a good thing...I haven't had a good period in a while and I think I needed it to be able to get PG again since I haven't had anything remotely normal since my D&E. So, that's it.

Disney was a great time! I honestly love it there. Clearly, it's the happiest place on earth! Hehe. The plan is to go back in Sept....hopefully I won't be able to ride any roller coasters while I'm there....

Do you believe dreams come true?

And...I don't mean mine. My mom forwarded me an email from a very good friend of hers whose MIL is very sick. The email was very long and it's very sad. Basically, her FIL, husband and SIL all want them to continue to do whatever they have to to keep her alive and she doesn't agree. The woman is very very sick and the doctors told them she can't live like this despite saving her each time. It's really a shame. So after the very long, sad and detailed email...the bottom says exactly THIS:

How are things on your end? Nicole has vivid dreams – she had a dream that Lisa was pregnant. Hope it comes true and everything will be ok.

Nicole is her daughter. My mom and her mom grew up together, and then so did we. We don't talk very often but we are friends :) So, what do you think? I think it's pretty freaky but I sure do hope her dreams come true!!

Going crazy...

So, another BFN this morning with FMU. My temp was 97.71. I'm going to lose it soon. Last night V commented on my gas problem...Today my gums were bleeding when I brushed my teeth which I believe happened before my first BFP. And get this...Janae and I went to Friendly's for lunch today and I did NOT order a PB Cup Sundae! I have no desire to eat chocolate, which seriously is a big deal for me. I didn't eat it the first time I was PG at all. I'm honestly getting more frustrated because I feel the way I felt last time...I really think someone is messing with me! I probably sound crazy but I think TTC makes you crazy, especially after a m/c! I'm also feeling like a sinus infection is brewing. I called the doctor and left a message to call me back and perhaps call something in just in case I get a sinus infection full on when we're away. That would suck! I'm obviously going to hold off as long as I can without taking anything, but I'm scared of being in Disney and getting a fever and really sick. The doc in the ER last time told me I can do more damage not taking something, especially since I had a high WBC count. So, I'd rather have something safe for PG on board before we go just in case. I certainly don't want to end up in an Orlando Hospital on my vacation! So, anyway, I'll be praying for two pink lines tomorrow morning :)

Temp back up...but BFN.

I was so tired last night...but very anxious for temp taking and testing in the morning. So, of course I was up in the middle of the night to pee. I staggered out of bed at 3ish and peed. I didn't take my temp before I got out of bed, but it was ok because I got to sleep a little later this morning since I had class (which, might I add, was more like torture). But, the problem is that I couldn't go back to sleep. I tossed and turned until Vince got up for work...then when he kissed me goodbye I definitely couldn't go back to sleep. Luckily when he kissed me I didn't really move around so I still popped the therm right in my mouth. I got a reading of 98.17! So, hopefully that was *kinda* accurate despite the sleep deprivation. I also got a BFN...but I was expecting that since it wasn't technically FMU since I peed at 3 in the morning. Ugh. I'm hoping for the BFP tomorrow morning, of course. I hope I can sleep better tonight although I'm so anxious. On another note, I'm pretty sure I noticed some bumps on my areolas. Never had those before...I guess I'll keep an eye on them.

Totally Bummed

Big time temp dip today. I know it *could* be an implantation dip, but I'm still totally bummed. What are the odds that it really is an implantation dip? I didn't have one last time, which is not to say I wouldn't have one this time, but still. My therm did beep fairly quick this morning when usually it takes a while (it is the target one) for the 97.00 reading. I took it out and temped again right after and it gave me 95.57 after taking the normal amount of time. After that I staggered to the bathroom and peed while being very upset. I went back to bed for a little while and then got up a few hours later. At that point I peed again and POAS that time for no reason other than to completely torture myself. Obviously between the temp drop and not using FMU I got a BFN. Ugh. I've been crying all day on and off. I'm really disappointed. I guess I'll be paying to renew my subscription to FF since it expires in 3 days. Ugh.

Not so much...

So today despite the sneezing and the temp spike, I don't feel very pregnant. Maybe I felt it more yesterday because I was at home doing nothing when today I worked all darn day. I don't know. At least if I'm feeling like this I won't be as disappointed when I get a BFN because I would have seen it coming. Feel free to stalk my chart and give me opinions. I wonder how I'll feel tomorrow...hmmmm