Is it possible?

Not to lose your identity when you become a mother? I feel like I lost myself. A few weeks ago my mom asked me how awesome it would be if she won the lottery and paid my house off so I could stay home from work. Um. I got all anxious at the thought. Now, we all know that I love Maura with all my heart and soul, but part of me is being a nurse. I always wanted to be a nurse (although when I was little I thought doctors did what nurses actually do, so I said I wanted to be a doctor, when in fact nursing that I wanted to do). I absolutely LOVE my job. Not everyday, not every patient, not every doctor or co-worker, but all in all I adore being a nurse. It's definitely a major part of me. I cried the day I walked out of the hospital in my scrubs with my stethoscope around my neck. One of my dreams had come true.

I married the man of my dreams. Or at least most of my dreams ;) haha. I kid I kid! But lately, I don't feel like his wife. I feel like I'm the mother of his child. I can't explain the differences exactly, but it's different.

My mom used to be my best friend. We were extremely close. I would spend most of my days off with her doing things, or doing nothing. It didn't matter. Now, because she watches Maura on the 3 days that I work, she needs her other days to run errands, or see Gram at the nursing home, or clean the house, or just relax, or watch my brothers kids. So, I feel like I lost her, too. Another part of me, gone.

I don't have many friends, but even the ones that I had, I seemed to have lost or have become more distanced from them. They don't have kids, so it seems we lost a connection, but hopefully it's just temporary. Everyone asks how Maura is doing. No one really asks how I am. No one asks if I want to get together anymore. I guess they assume I can't or I don't want to. Or maybe they don't want to do anything that involves bringing Maura. So, I guess because I haven't really done things with friends like normal, I lost another part of me.

I used to read. A LOT. It's quite possibly my favorite thing to do, but I have no time to read now, which makes me sad.

I don't really like TV, so I don't watch many things, but I can't even keep up with anything anymore. UGH.

Please don't think I'm complaining about being a mother, because I'm not. I'm simply expressing that I'd like to be a mother, and still be myself and everything I used to be, doing everything I love. But I can't seem to find that place. Or a happy medium at this point. I hope I can sometime soon and be a happier person than I am now.