Friday, February 27, 2009

Anybody know what's going on?

Cause I sure don't. Yesterday the occassional spotting I was having turned to a light flow of brownish-pinkish AF looking stuff. This morning, bright red. The hag showed up early! Now, I don't know whether to be happy about this or what. It just so happens that I've been taking some meds because I have bronchitis (yay me). So, I've been taking Levaquin (antibiotic), Albuterol mini-nebs, and Mucinex (expectorant). So, it got me wondering if any or all of the meds got things going early, maybe? I know Mucinex is known to help along with fertile CM, so maybe it can help move along AF, too? HMMM...WDYT? Definitely got me thinking it's possible. So, anyway, this now has me wondering what my next cycle will bring. Will I O again on CD 19 like I've been doing? Or will I O earlier? Later? How about my LP? ugh, this is so frustrating and stressful!! The good news is, I will find out earlier if I am KU!! I wanted to fast forward time a little even if it's just a few days, I'm happy about it!!! We're still waiting for our results from the genetic testing. Those results won't be in for a little while yet. So, that's it. Any insight? Please share :)

Monday, February 23, 2009

Mixed up...

So, despite the fact that I'm sick, we had our appointment with the genetic counselor today. She was nice, sweet and FREAKING PREGNANT!!! I've come to the conclusion it's probably just as awkward for her as it is for the people she's trying to help, though. But, it took a lot to come to that So, basically she made a little family tree thingy for Vince and I looking for any birth defects, learning disabilities or multiple miscarriages. Which, there really weren't any. One of Vince's nieces is a little delayed I guess you could say, but it's nothing major and more related to other circumstances, if you ask me. But with all 4 of Vince's siblings having children and my bro having two without any problems, I can't see why we would. She actually said to us that it's nice to have the testing so we can "warn" our families about potential problems. Umm, seriously chick? WE'RE THE ONLY ONES WITHOUT KIDS DOUCHE!! I thought of it that way, but politely said, I don't think that's necessary hahahaha.

Anywho, after that she explained the world of chromosomes to us. I'm not even going to begin to try to explain all that jazz here though. Basically, each person has a set of chromosomes that will then be passed on to their children. They are lined up and matched perfectly in most cases...but not in all, which is what happened in the embryo that caused the m/c. Two of the chromosomes that were supposed to match up, one from Vince and one from me didn't match up correctly. Now, this could mean two things: 1. One of our chromosomes is messed up, therefore being messed up upon arrival to embryo or 2. For some fluke reason they messed up when the sperm and egg met and started dividing and separating chromosomes and all that. Are you with me? I'm trying to make it, basically every time we get pregnant one of four things can happen.
  • The chromosomes that are in the egg/sperm are fine and we have a perfectly healthy baby
  • The chromosomes are mixed up but matched appropriately, just like the one of ours could be and the baby would be healthy
  • The chromosomes are completely screwed up resulting in m/c
  • The chromosomes are screwed up causing birth defects and/or learning disabilities in a full term baby

So, yea wow. A lot of things going on. So, Vince and I opted to have our blood drawn to see if one of us carries a mixed up pair of chromosomes. So, in two weeks we'll find out if this was a fluke thing or potentially a pretty big challenge in getting and STAYING pregnant with a HEALTHY baby. The genetic counselor already mentioned things like amniocentesis to check the baby for possible birth defects and what not. Vince and I had a very deep conversation over lunch while he ate and I played with my food. I have no appetite and can't taste a damn thing! We discussed the possibilities of what could happen and what we would do in each situation. They are all very hard decisions that I'm not sure I ever want to make.

I must say that my biggest fear right now is that one of us has a problem. I know it's nothing we could ever control since it's genetic, but it would be difficult to put the "blame" on one of us. I'm really hoping it's not Vince cause I know he'd really be hard on himself about it and I wouldn't know how to comfort him. I would rather it be me and I could suffer silently. So, now we must wait 2 whole weeks to find out what's going on. Two weeks of me holding my breath basically. More waiting, my favorite.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Update to update...

I was able to switch the appt with the genetic counselor to this Monday at 11:00. Please pray for us!

Results and such.

So, as you know when I went to the doc on Friday, they didn't have my results yet. So, after having a nice weekend (with ALL the signs of O coming!) and having sex (with condoms, but still SEX after none since Christmas week!!) and finally feeling back to myself and putting the m/c stuff behind us and REALLY looking forward to the next cycle, Renee calls to give me the results. There was a chromosome abnormality and the testing company recommends genetic testing/counseling after only ONE m/c. So, I'm pretty much scared shitless. I totally forget what she said the abnormality was, but for some reason I think it was something like translocation. And since I'm a google whore, I can't stop looking it up and reading about all the m/c's. UGH. Renee keeps saying she thinks it's probably a fluke thing, so that's a little reassuring, but I honestly don't think she really knows. So, I'm back to feeling pretty blue about everything. Sucks. So far, this whole process just sucks. It was so exciting when we started and now it's just stressful and scary. Not very much fun.

In other news, my ovaries are awesome. I O'd! Yay! My CM has had a little blood in it, but I guess that's ok :) I actually O'd a day earlier than I usually do. So, I'm happy about that. I was kinda nervous my cycle would be all screwy from the D&E but apparently not! So, bad and good news I guess all at the same time. I'm called and left a message for the genetic counselors to see if I can change my appointment from next Friday to Monday instead. I don't want to wait that long if I don't have to. Prayers and good luck wishes, please.

Sunday, February 15, 2009


So, what do I find when I go to the bathroom tonight? that's good, right? If my cycle schedule stays the same, I will be O'ing tomorrow. So, that's perfect. I definitely didn't want any delays in my cycles. If anything, I wanted to fast forward it. But, with my EWCM there's BLOOD. Supposedly the most fertile CM there is. So, of course this happens the cycle I can't use it. Grrrr.

Friday, February 13, 2009

It's been awhile

Well, hello there! I know I haven't been posting much lately...but my life isn't that interesting to post without a BFP. Well, today was my F/U from the D&E. Unfortunately the results from the genetic testing weren't in yet, but I should be getting them by Monday afternoon. The exam was even as bad as an annual exam. And we got the green light to have sex! Woot! We haven't had sex since right before this is good news...LOL. We have to use protection, though, especially since I should be O'ing on Tuesday. She said to wait "one or two cycles" but that definitely means one in my book. Fertility is supposed to increase in the months after m/c so I already have my hopes way up for the first couple cycles. I'm sure I'm going to be pyscho! You were warned! LOL. My mom has a the flu so I took Amanda with me for the day. A GYN appt with a 2 year old in tow! Luckily she's such a good girl!!

So, after my f/u appointment, I got to meet Monkey for lunch who got a BFP today! Woot!!! I'm so very excited for her and her H! We had a very nice time chatting and chatting. We could have chatted all night I'm sure! She's such a sweet person and I'm so glad that we got the chance to meet in person. I think we're going to be good friends :) Amanda had a good time, too. We got good practice with a two year old in for sure..haha. And we apparently were too much excitement for her...

Monday was my first day back to work. It was pretty tough as I thought it would be...but it was okay. I was still upset and tearing up now and then but I made it through. Tuesday was even better, oh well expect for the bitch that came up to me on my way back from lunch and said, "So, you pregnant yet?" So after I explained that I had a D&E and a m/c a week and a half ago her jaw hit the ground. Some people are so inconsiderate! Think before you talk people! You just never know what situation someone is in. By Wednesday, I was feeling much better. I've been pretty much back to my old self. I'm really looking forward to trying again even though I'm going to be scared shitless. I'm going to keep praying!

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Seeing Red.

WTF?? It's now been a week and 2 days since the D&E and now my ute decides to bleed. WTF? I've had nothing but spotting and a very light bleeding of a brownish color since last Thursday, then tonight after having a nice day with Vince I come home from going to church, dinner, some stores and to my parents to find that nonsense when going to the bathroom. If this delays my next cycle I will NOT be happy. The only good thing I can think of is that if everything gets just a little delayed, I could possibly ovulate in Disney rather than be distracted from the 2ww like I was hoping for. It would be great to tell my child that he/she was conceived in Disney, however, I would like to get this show on the road sooner than that. Blah. Ok, I'm done bitching. Carry on.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Yesterday sucked as did last night and this morning....

Yesterday was a bad day. I was pretty sad all day. Mammy did take me to the movies to see Slumdog Millionaire which was really really good...but I was still sad pretty much all day. Finally when Vince got home from work...the tears came flowing. I couldn't help it...and then as the night progressed it got worse and worse. By the time we got in bed, I was a mess. I spilled out all my fears...AF not coming on time next cycle secondary to the D&E, having a hard/long time getting KU again, God forbid having another m/c, being overwhelmed and getting frustrated TTC. He said everything he could to console me and calm me down.

So, then this morning I woke up with a killer migraine. It was like I had I thought wtf? I haven't really had any bleeding since the D&E so I decided to email Renee to ask if everything was normal. She read the email and called me instead of writing back to check on me. She's gotta be the sweetest doctor. She assured me everything that's going on is fine and that my estrogen level probably had a sudden drop which would bring on the PMS symptoms including the migraine. I was thanking God that I didn't have to go to work today. Last night and today have been the worst days since the procedure.