Scared.

I went to the doctors Thursday morning. Something isn't right, but I don't really know what. I'm tired all the time and lately, I feel like I won't make it through the day. I've been going to bed when Maura does. I'm exhausted. Last week I had a sinus infection, but that cleared up nicely after a few days on the antibiotics. So, my Dr. ordered some labs. A blood count, electrolytes, Lyme's, Mono, Lupus screening tests, thyroid tests, and a bunch of other stuff. Results should be ready by Monday. Before I left, I mentioned the pain on the left side of my upper chest that just won't go away. I thought I pulled a muscle. Apparently, there are a chain of lymph nodes that are swollen and very painful. There's also a few near my clavicle and one in my neck that are swollen. WTF. There are a few conditions that could make this happen. Lyme's and mono being two of them. Ok, good, already being tested for those.

Then she mentioned Lymphoma and Breast Cancer. Holy shit, what? I'm scared. So, I scheduled an appt to get a mammogram and an ultrasound of the left breast on Oct 27th. Ouch. My mom has had 2 tumors removed from her breasts, both benign. My grandmother had cancerous changes on her last mammogram, but she's over 80 and paralyzed on one side from a previous stroke, so there's nothing they can do. My great-grandmother died from metastatic breast cancer. I'm scared.

I'm not telling anyone, either. I just don't even want to talk about it. I'm freaking out as it is.