Do you believe dreams come true?

And...I don't mean mine. My mom forwarded me an email from a very good friend of hers whose MIL is very sick. The email was very long and it's very sad. Basically, her FIL, husband and SIL all want them to continue to do whatever they have to to keep her alive and she doesn't agree. The woman is very very sick and the doctors told them she can't live like this despite saving her each time. It's really a shame. So after the very long, sad and detailed email...the bottom says exactly THIS:

How are things on your end? Nicole has vivid dreams – she had a dream that Lisa was pregnant. Hope it comes true and everything will be ok.

Nicole is her daughter. My mom and her mom grew up together, and then so did we. We don't talk very often but we are friends :) So, what do you think? I think it's pretty freaky but I sure do hope her dreams come true!!

Going crazy...

So, another BFN this morning with FMU. My temp was 97.71. I'm going to lose it soon. Last night V commented on my gas problem...Today my gums were bleeding when I brushed my teeth which I believe happened before my first BFP. And get this...Janae and I went to Friendly's for lunch today and I did NOT order a PB Cup Sundae! I have no desire to eat chocolate, which seriously is a big deal for me. I didn't eat it the first time I was PG at all. I'm honestly getting more frustrated because I feel the way I felt last time...I really think someone is messing with me! I probably sound crazy but I think TTC makes you crazy, especially after a m/c! I'm also feeling like a sinus infection is brewing. I called the doctor and left a message to call me back and perhaps call something in just in case I get a sinus infection full on when we're away. That would suck! I'm obviously going to hold off as long as I can without taking anything, but I'm scared of being in Disney and getting a fever and really sick. The doc in the ER last time told me I can do more damage not taking something, especially since I had a high WBC count. So, I'd rather have something safe for PG on board before we go just in case. I certainly don't want to end up in an Orlando Hospital on my vacation! So, anyway, I'll be praying for two pink lines tomorrow morning :)

Temp back up...but BFN.

I was so tired last night...but very anxious for temp taking and testing in the morning. So, of course I was up in the middle of the night to pee. I staggered out of bed at 3ish and peed. I didn't take my temp before I got out of bed, but it was ok because I got to sleep a little later this morning since I had class (which, might I add, was more like torture). But, the problem is that I couldn't go back to sleep. I tossed and turned until Vince got up for work...then when he kissed me goodbye I definitely couldn't go back to sleep. Luckily when he kissed me I didn't really move around so I still popped the therm right in my mouth. I got a reading of 98.17! So, hopefully that was *kinda* accurate despite the sleep deprivation. I also got a BFN...but I was expecting that since it wasn't technically FMU since I peed at 3 in the morning. Ugh. I'm hoping for the BFP tomorrow morning, of course. I hope I can sleep better tonight although I'm so anxious. On another note, I'm pretty sure I noticed some bumps on my areolas. Never had those before...I guess I'll keep an eye on them.

Totally Bummed

Big time temp dip today. I know it *could* be an implantation dip, but I'm still totally bummed. What are the odds that it really is an implantation dip? I didn't have one last time, which is not to say I wouldn't have one this time, but still. My therm did beep fairly quick this morning when usually it takes a while (it is the target one) for the 97.00 reading. I took it out and temped again right after and it gave me 95.57 after taking the normal amount of time. After that I staggered to the bathroom and peed while being very upset. I went back to bed for a little while and then got up a few hours later. At that point I peed again and POAS that time for no reason other than to completely torture myself. Obviously between the temp drop and not using FMU I got a BFN. Ugh. I've been crying all day on and off. I'm really disappointed. I guess I'll be paying to renew my subscription to FF since it expires in 3 days. Ugh.

Not so much...

So today despite the sneezing and the temp spike, I don't feel very pregnant. Maybe I felt it more yesterday because I was at home doing nothing when today I worked all darn day. I don't know. At least if I'm feeling like this I won't be as disappointed when I get a BFN because I would have seen it coming. Feel free to stalk my chart and give me opinions. I wonder how I'll feel tomorrow...hmmmm

Who's messing with me?

I can't stop sneezing. I usually sneeze every now and then...but not as many times as I have today! Geez! When I was KU I had the same problem...sneezing a million times a day. Now, the 2ww is hard enough as it is...so WTH do I need to sneeze all day to make it worse! Ah! It seems that all my symptoms from last time are back and I'm not sure I like it. It's freaking me out BIG TIME. I'm already obsessed with everything this cycle and this surely isn't helping stay sane!! Ahhh!!!

Holy Phantom Symptoms!

So, I must admit that I "feel" pregnant. Only because now that I know what it feels like do I think this. Although, I know it's too early to technically have symptoms. I'm not sure what to make of it really. Tonight we went to my parents best friends house for a bday get together and I thought I was going to explode I had so much gas. I kept running upstairs to the bathroom! And my jeans were tighter today then the other day...which doesn't make sense cause I didn't wash them since I only had them on for a couple hours the other day. I didn't even eat for awhile before I put them on. Usually they would get looser. I'm really scaring myself honestly. I'm not sure I'll recover from a BFN very easily. I mean, hopefully being in Disney World will be a good distraction, but I'm so afraid that I'll be bummed out all week. And dealing with AF in the heat walking around all day doesn't sound like much fun as an alternative to a BFP either. I just want to know NOW! Grrr!!

On another note, I feel like such a good girl. My friend came over this morning and we walked 2.5 miles!! Yay!! We're going to do this as much as possible! I'm really hoping it makes a difference because I feel like shit about myself.

I'm freaking out...

So, I finally got my CHs! I'm so proud of my body...I O'd on CD19 just like usual. Yay ovaries! But, now I'm freaking out...I'm so nervous I won't get a BFP and I'm going to be extremely disappointed. I pretty much have everything invested in this cycle and I'm not sure how I'll react. Since my last cycle was wacky, I'll be testing before we leave for Disney now, as opposed to the day we come home. At least if I get a BFN, I'll be distracted...

On another note, I totally had a break down in the NY & Company dressing room today. I gained so much weight since the wedding. At first I gained just a few pounds...no big deal. Then Christmas came and I deprived myself of NOTHING. Then...I got my BFP and ate whatever I thought I could hold down, which most of the time wasn't a healthy choice. And then the m/c....which I used food to cheer me up. BAD IDEA. That was just adding fuel to the fire. Now, I don't fit in my clothes...and the clothes I try on in a way bigger size look terrible. Ugh, I'm so frustrated with myself. And I don't know why, but I've been really tired lately so I haven't been exercising either. I feel horrible about myself right now. Seriously.

A positive day :)

Yea baby!! My first +OPK!! W00T!! I was so excited when I saw this. It's very clearly positive, too...it's way darker!! So, between my + today and the O pains I had last night into this morning I'm pretty happy. If my O day is today then I'll be 12 DPO the day before we leave for Disney. So, I'm going to try to hold out til then...but I don't know if I'll make it! Last time, I'm pretty sure there was a VERY VERY faint line when I tested on 10 DPO but I didn't test again til 12 DPO which was clearly positive. Okay, DH just got home...gotta go!

Grrrrrr

I'm not happy. My temp went down drastically today. WTF?? There goes my CD19 O day since I got off BCP. I knew last cycle was going to screw me up. I'm so upset. I don't know if Vince is going to be able to keep up all the good sex. And, to further screw things up, he doesn't feel good today. So, who knows now. I did take Mucinex this am, just to see if that will help with my CM. But, it will be worthless if Vince doesn't feel up to it later. Ugh, I know I'm just rambling and I'm sorry. Blah.

Waiting to O...

So, after getting the good news that our chromosomes are normal (YAY), I was excited waiting to O. But, now I'm kinda stressed. Maybe if my last cycle wasn't screwy, I wouldn't be really worried, but unfortunately it was, so I am. I've been using OPKs this cycle for the first time and I'm not quite sure how I feel about them. They *seem* to be getting darker each day, but who knows. Maybe I should start taking pics of them? I don't know! I'm trying not to stress about it, but of course I am! And I think I'm wearing Vince out with all the sex...LOL.

On another note, I actually exercised this morning. Twenty minutes on the elliptical and I thought I was going to die. But I made it through and I'm really happy. Woohoo!! If I'm not going to be gaining weight cause I'm knocked up, then I need to lose it cause I'm fat. I don't fit in my spring/summer clothes and I don't want to spend money on new ones. I'm going to have to get a few things for Disney though since that's only a couple weeks away. But still. I can't believe I let myself gain this much. Having a m/c was really bad for my weight. I just ate and ate and ate! Not good!!

Oooh...did I just feel an O pain? Hmmm. God I hope so!

Our prayers were answered! Nicole, the genetic counselor, called with great news...our chromosomes are all there and very NORMAL!! This is such a huge relief for us. yay!